Christian Ministry in Dorset, Hampshire and Hampshire.

God Stories and Prophetic words.

Dead Raising Testimony.
Report just in from the team, who God placed in the right place at the right time. 12-13 th June 2010 @ the Xtreme Wheels Show DRT Team at work on the South Coast of England. A guy at the car show has a massive heart attack. Steve, Hannah and Dan were there, and dan was holding sheets up around the man whilst we prayed. The paramedics give him 11 shots of adrenalin,10 shocks, and do mouth to mouth and heart massage for 30 mins 11 flat lines then a glimar of hope a slight murmour,they rush him off to the hospital. His son came back to the show the next day to say that the hospital managed to get his heart going, only with the help of a machine but he would have no life as he was dead for 45mins and his brain had been starved which has caused severe brain damage. He then said that they were going to turn off the life support machine this morning at 10.am and the family requested no resuscitation due to the damage which had been caused. We continued to pray during the day!!! This morning they turn the machine off then!!! THE MAN SITS UP IN HIS HOSPITAL BED ALIVE!!! HE IS NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET AS HE REQUIRES A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BUT IS BREATHING INDEPENDENTLY WITH NO BRAIN DAMAGE PRAISE GOD!!!

Dead Raising Testimony.

Report just in from the team, who God placed in the right place at the right time. 12-13 th June 2010 @ the Xtreme Wheels Show

DRT Team at work on the South Coast of England.

A guy at the car show has a massive heart attack. Steve, Hannah and Dan were there, and dan was holding sheets up around the man whilst we prayed. The paramedics give him 11 shots of adrenalin,10 shocks, and do mouth to mouth and heart massage for 30 mins 11 flat lines then a glimar of hope a slight murmour,they rush him off to the hospital. His son came back to the show the next day to say that the hospital managed to get his heart going, only with the help of a machine but he would have no life as he was dead for 45mins and his brain had been starved which has caused severe brain damage. He then said that they were going to turn off the life support machine this morning at 10.am and the family requested no resuscitation due to the damage which had been caused. We continued to pray during the day!!! This morning they turn the machine off then!!! THE MAN SITS UP IN HIS HOSPITAL BED ALIVE!!! HE IS NOT OUT OF THE WOODS YET AS HE REQUIRES A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BUT IS BREATHING INDEPENDENTLY WITH NO BRAIN DAMAGE PRAISE GOD!!!

Prophetic Word from Sharron McClelland on the 1/1/2009
The Call. 01/01/2009 I see a man,one as the Son of Man, the Glory of the Father-. He stands above the earth, the clouds are His footstool and in His hand is a sword. The hand of the Son of Man is raised and He watches over the earth. His eyes look to and fro, over and over and over. What are you looking for Lord I said? My sheep that hear My voice, those who will follow Me to WAR, and those who know that they have died and that they live through Me, the heroes, the heroes, the sheep who hear My voice – Let the churches hear what the Spirit is saying. He stands and watches, His sword ready for battle. Who will follow? His cry is the cry of the Slain Lamb. His rally call is the call of the Lamb slain before the foundations of time. His cry is the cry of the Beloved. Only those whose garments are covered in His blood will stand. Who has ears to hear? Who has eyes to see? He stands! He stands on the clouds that encircle the earth. He cries rise up and hear My voice heroes of the Lord, you who`s ears are open. You who have put salve on your eyes that you may see. You who follow the slain Lamb of the Tribe of Judah. You who hear the cry of the Blood. Come to me that we may make War, my sword has been raised, I stand poised over the earth, My cry has gone out, the CRY of MY BLOOD. I see a man, one as the Son of Man standing on the clouds over the circle of the earth. His sword is raised and it is polished, ready for War. His Cry has gone out. His eyes look to and fro, searching, searching, searching for His beloved, His heroes, His redeemed, His warriors, His randsomed. Those whom the Lord loves whose ears are open and listenning for the Call of the Slain Lamb. For those who love Him, for the heart that loves Him, for the heart that loves, for the heart that loves as He Has loved, as He has loved, as He has loved. The Lamb of God, the Slain Silent Lamb watches and waits, watches and waits for His heroes. He stands on the clouds, on the circle of the earth, and His sword is raised. Let those who have ears, hear what the Spirit says to the Church. “The cry is the cry of the Blood for the souls of man”

Prophetic Word from Sharron McClelland on the 1/1/2009

The Call.

01/01/2009

I see a man,one as the Son of Man, the Glory of the Father-.

He stands above the earth, the clouds are His footstool and in His hand is a sword. The hand of the Son of Man is raised and He watches over the earth. His eyes look to and fro, over and over and over.

What are you looking for Lord I said?

My sheep that hear My voice, those who will follow Me to WAR, and those who know that they have died and that they live through Me, the heroes, the heroes, the sheep who hear My voice –

Let the churches hear what the Spirit is saying.

He stands and watches, His sword ready for battle. Who will follow?

His cry is the cry of the Slain Lamb. His rally call is the call of the Lamb slain before the foundations of time. His cry is the cry of the Beloved. Only those whose garments are covered in His blood will stand.

Who has ears to hear?

Who has eyes to see?

He stands! He stands on the clouds that encircle the earth. He cries rise up and hear My voice heroes of the Lord, you who`s ears are open. You who have put salve on your eyes that you may see. You who follow the slain Lamb of the Tribe of Judah. You who hear the cry of the Blood.

Come to me that we may make War, my sword has been raised, I stand poised over the earth, My cry has gone out, the CRY of MY BLOOD.

I see a man, one as the Son of Man standing on the clouds over the circle of the earth. His sword is raised and it is polished, ready for War. His Cry has gone out.

His eyes look to and fro, searching, searching, searching for His beloved, His heroes, His redeemed, His warriors, His randsomed. Those whom the Lord loves whose ears are open and listenning for the Call of the Slain Lamb. For those who love Him, for the heart that loves Him, for the heart that loves, for the heart that loves as He Has loved, as He has loved, as He has loved.

The Lamb of God, the Slain Silent Lamb watches and waits, watches and waits for His heroes.

He stands on the clouds, on the circle of the earth, and His sword is raised.

Let those who have ears, hear what the Spirit says to the Church.

“The cry is the cry of the Blood for the souls of man”

Testimoney of Eduardo Juarez
My Lakeland Outpouring Testimony, it's long Share Today at 2:54am Healing from a Suicidal Spirit If you watch on television or the internet, or if you come to the meetings, you may see a big, handsome man sitting off to the left side of the platform. He keeps watch to be sure that nobody is harmed. His name is Eduardo Juarez. His miracles, and how he came to be sitting on that stage, will stagger your mind. I live about three hours from Lakeland, so getting to the Outpouring is kind of an ordeal. I came to the first meeting because my second youngest daughter is hearing-impaired. I brought her, along with my oldest daughter, simply with the intention for her to receive a physical healing. I had no idea what the Outpouring had in store for me. About 45 days prior to that meeting, my wife had asked me for a divorce. I was a great provider and protector, but I was a horrible husband. I had abused her emotionally. Prior to and during our marriage I had multiple affairs—not only sexual infidelity, but emotional relationships, what I thought of as “soul” ties. I would be home for several months, then I’d move out and live with another woman. I was still providing income for my wife and children, but I was also involved in drugs, heavy drinking, and several motorcycle clubs. I was never abusive to my wife physically, but you can imagine all the emotional scars. As my children got older, they got to see me going in and out of the home. Scar on top of scar on top of scar. In 2002, while I was living with yet another woman, I heard the very still Voice of God, and I came to Him. That very night, God began to close the door on that unfaithful relationship. I knew in the natural it was time for me to go home. But God didn’t want me to go home the same way I had in the past. So I gave my life to God. And I went home that night. Astonishingly, my wife received me and forgave me. Some time later, as I was cleaning up my motorcycle, she told me that she and the girls were going to church. I said, “Wait for me. I want to go, too.” In that moment, a holy hush came into the house. My daughters had been saved at Vacation Bible School two years prior to that, and they had been praying for their Mom to be saved. A year or so later, my wife gave her life to the Lord. My two children and my wife—plus a core group of five other women—had been intercessing for me to come back to God. I had grown up in the church. A wonderful black pastor and his wife adopted my mother and her five children, and took us under their wing. As time went on our bond grew with the pastor and his wife—and it also grew with the body of his church. At some point, my family and I assumed responsibility as caretakers of the church. I began to cut the lawn, clean the windows and front door. I shoveled snow in the winter. On Saturday afternoons we vacuumed and mopped the floors, got on our knees and scrubbed the toilets, made things spic and span for church on Sunday. I was my Dad’s personal aide in the church—I’d carry his Bible and did whatever he needed. I got to see the inner workings of the church and hear great men of God. God allowed me, at such a young age, to become a servant of the church. In my experiences now I am beginning to see that even back then I had become a servant of the tabernacle. I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for my mother raising me in the church. Raise up your child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. When he is old… That doesn’t say anything about what might happen in the interim. I chose to walk away. Now, I must tell you something very painful. I was sexually abused as a young boy. I was physically and emotionally abused, inside the church and out. I hurry to say that it was NOT that wonderful pastor. And he did not know what was happening. But in my child’s mind, I could not figure out why he didn’t know, and stop it. And I could not understand why God didn’t know, and stop it. How could you allow me to be hurt, if I was growing up in the church? Why would you allow me to be hurt? My spirit was crying out, raging, why doesn’t any one know that this is happening to me? During these times of abuse, I would literally cry out to God, why are You letting this happen to me? It planted seeds of rebellion in me. And I walked away from the church. My mother never lost faith in me. She told me before I left for the Marine Corps that I would never make a good sinner, because I knew God. But do you know what I heard? I heard that I wouldn’t be any good. Period. So when I left for the Marine Corps, I started living a life of excess. If a buddy was drinking one can of beer, I’d try to drink a case. If he was drinking a shot of whiskey, I’d try to drink the bottle. If you were doing one line of cocaine, I would do triple. And I said to myself, “No one will ever abuse me again. If I am going to be abused again, it will be because I choose to abuse myself.” Every person at some time in their life is a victim. At some point you become the abuser. The way you manifest the abuse may not be the way you were abused, but nonetheless you become an abuser. What I saw in women was what I saw in myself—my weakness as a young boy, being unable to protect myself. And I didn’t like it. I would get mad. So I would emotionally abuse women. I would captivate them just to see how many I could get. I was remembering how weak I was as a young boy. Hurting me because of my weakness… So I became a controller and manipulator of women. I was a liar, a cheater, abuser, victim, adulterer. It followed me even after I met my wife. I began to have affairs on top of affairs. But the whole time I was one of those people the evangelists talk about who watch Christian television late at night. I knew God. I wanted God. But I was mad at God. But, in 2002, on that blessed night when I gave my life to God, I prayed, “In the world I live my life in excess. I want to serve You in excess. So this is my simple prayer to you, God: I come to You and I will serve You. But don’t make me one of those Christians who sit in the back pew, because if that is what You are going to do, I’d rather die.” My repentance prayer was: For God I live; for God I die…. I was giving God authority to bring all my ugliness and put it in front of my face. So from 2002 until three months ago, I had been trying to walk with God. But as many successes as I had in God, I had that many failures in God. In my public life I was success. But in my private life, I was a fiasco—a hypocrite. I’ve worked in homeless ministries, counseled young boys in trouble and men in prison. My wife and I have even helped counsel troubled marriages, if you can believe that. When I came to God that night in 2002 when I went to church with my wife, the miraculous thing God did was to let me begin to understand how much He loves me. It’s been a work in progress even to this moment. But I’m starting to understand God’s grace. Grace! Even in my failures and in my flesh, He still loves me! That is the reason, even more so now, that I passionately love God. I desperately want every man to know that it is okay for God to love you. To allow God to flood you with His love. And to know His Grace. After hearing that my wife wanted a divorce, I was wrecked emotionally. I began to fall into old mindsets of my former life. I was so stunned by the fact that she wanted a divorce that I went looking for any feeling at all because I was simply numb. Numb. From the time my wife asked me for a divorce to the night in Tiger Stadium, I literally worked six days a week, sometimes for 14 hours. One day I worked 20 hours. I was so busy, all I had strength to do was drive home and pass out. Numb. We weren’t sleeping in the same bed; I had moved into the garage. We were already preparing separate bank accounts. Preparing divorce papers. Looking for a place for me to move into. She wanted me out. By profession I am a surgical scrub tech. I have even gone to Africa and Honduras on surgical mission trips. So, in my medical knowledge I know that with healing in the natural, often there are underlying issues with emotional problems. That’s what kept drawing me to the healing Outpouring. I knew there was something more for me than healing in the natural sense. What I was experiencing was that my heart was broken. This is where interaction with the Outpouring began. “So we’ll try this one more time, God. We’ll do this dance one more time. I’ll give You my heart, but don’t hurt me again.” What I was referring to was how my heart was hurt physically and emotionally when I was a young boy. When I came to God in 2002, I repented and I thoroughly changed my life. I thought that not only had my life and heart been restored, I sincerely believed that God had restored my wife’s heart, as well. I did not realize that she had to receive God’s healing for herself. Because of my countless years of abuse, she never let God get into her heart. So when we began to have marital problems and my old stuff came back on me, she began to suffer the old hurts that she felt before I came to God. Not wanting those hurts again, she said, “I want a divorce.” From the outside, our marriage looked like a success. Walking in the Word together, doing this and that together, we were a public success. People could point us out and say, “See? God can restore a husband to his wife.” What they didn’t know is that some people may be a public success, but in their private lives are failures. And that’s what my wife and I were. So I told God, “You hurt me. You let me get hurt again. How could you heal my heart and not heal my wife’s heart?” I didn’t realize that my wife had to willingly let God heal her heart. I decided to commit suicide. I had a gun. I kept it loaded. And I kept it on me. I told God: when I am by myself, I am going to do it. I didn’t want to hurt my wife or kids or anybody else. I just wanted to do what I couldn’t do as a child. I wanted to stop the pain. It was the first night at Tiger Stadium and it was a Saturday night. And my wife and daughters had decided to come, too. Todd began to give Words of Knowledge. “Someone here is being tormented.” I can’t be for sure what he said exactly, but what I heard was: somebody here is being tormented by a suicidal spirit. And that was me. He kept saying, “Somebody here, somebody here…” And I remember saying, “Don’t mess with me right now, God.” But Todd just kept on and on. It was like having an argument with God. Stop it. I’m not giving You another chance. I had the gun on me that night. I had all intentions to commit suicide, off by myself someplace. But God kept on and on, and wouldn’t let me go. So I said to myself, “If you’re going to do it, better do it now.” So I told God, “Okay, I surrender.” Have you ever seen the statue of the man holding the world on his shoulders? That’s what I felt like. I was carrying everybody’s world that I had taken responsibility for. When I said, “I surrender,” that weight lifted off! I physically felt it. No longer hunched over, burdened down. I just felt light. God took off the weight of the world that I had put on myself! God had been there all the time and I hadn’t realized it! I wanted to tell Todd that it was me he was talking about. But my wife and kids were there. How could I shame them? But I found an intern, and I told him. “Listen, that guy Todd was talking about? That’s me.” He did the Christian thing. “Are you okay? Do you want me to pray for you?” “No, you don’t understand. That’s ME! That’s ME!” I hadn’t captured his attention like I felt like I needed to. I said, “Look in the bag.” When he saw the gun he knew it was true. I thank God for that young man, because I fed off his courage. I told him, “Listen, just do me a favor. I’m not going up there. I don’t want to freak people out. I don’t want to get taken down as a nut. I’m going to take the gun now and go put it in my car.” I asked, “Just tell Todd that you met the gentleman he was talking about.” I thought that would be the end of it. Well, at some point that young man told Todd, and Todd told him to find me. He must have thought, “Impossible. How am I gonna find that guy in all these people?” After the meeting, my wife and kids went home. But I went back to Tiger Stadium the next night. And would you believe it, God let that young man locate me! He was so excited. “I told Todd about you, and he is excited! He’s been thinking about you all day, and he wants to meet you.” Cool, I thought. I’m going to get a meet-and-greet and some personal prayer from Todd. So I told the young man where I was seated. Twenty minutes later he came back. “Todd wants to talk to you. They’re already out on the stage.” I thought Todd would just walk down the steps in the back, bless me and pray over me, and that would be it. He walked me down to the field. I remember the young man having to tell all the interns, “He’s with me. He’s okay.” At the time, I weighed 265, long hair, tank top. Big tattoos. So I can understand his saying, “He’s okay, he’s with me.” I’m following behind like a puppy. I’m going to meet a great man of God… He walked me behind the stage near the Fresh Fire associates. They’re staring, obviously wondering what’s up. I don’t look like a very wholesome Christian. I have always longed to be truly loved and accepted by the Body of God. But I never really have felt that. I always stood out. The pastor and wife who adopted us were a black family. We went to an all black church. Even the people of my own race—Mexican-American—didn’t accept me because I was the black pastor’s son, living in the black community. So, while I was waiting, Evangelist Jim Drown came over and told me about his life—so similar to my own. The fact that he had discernment that I wasn’t what I looked like meant everything to me. When he told the other associates that I was okay, it could have stopped there and been okay. Someone valued me enough to defend me. To some it may seem a little thing—that someone saw value in me—but to me, it was everything. The next person who came down was Kira , full of life, sharing everything with me. She said, “I just want to get some facts.” I still did not have a clue. Then she says, “You’re going to be the first person to speak to him. So when you get up there…” What! Get up where? Up on the platform? Huh-uh. No. Nope. Are you out of your mind? I don’t want my wife and kids and family to know what I had been planning to do. Kira calmly said, “Eduardo, do you realize how powerful this testimony is? How many people are going to hear you? In 214 countries?” She was actually giving me reasons not to do it. Then, I heard Kira tell me this. Christians don’t believe that other Christians battle with suicide. They think they are the only one. No Christian would admit thoughts of suicide. I said OK. Then I thought, “Oh, God, I really didn’t say that, did I?” We went up on stage. I felt like every eyeball in the stadium was on me. They were going to call the cops on me. Put me in the hospital… As I was waiting to be ministered to, Todd was talking to the crowd. Have you ever been too close to a firecracker when it went off? I couldn’t hear what Todd was saying. When they talk about the weightiness and Glory of God being in and around the stage and altar area, it is real. I was in shock. I was in the Glory of God. I heard Todd say, “Kira, who do you have here?” She began to tell my testimony. Todd was trying to coax me into telling my story. It wasn’t working. I simply could not talk. I don’t remember anything after that until I was at the bottom of the stage. People were coming up and blessing me and saying, “We honor you for giving your testimony.” As I walked away, I suddenly realized I hadn’t shared my testimony with my wife. Was she watching on God-TV? Over 200 countries—oh, God. I had to call my wife, right now, and explain. I found a quiet corner and called my wife. “Uh, honey, you know that thing we have where you’ve got to tell each other before it comes out?” Yes. “Um, well….” And she said, “What did you do now?” Stop. Stop. Stop. I must tell you something else. This is God, being God! The prior Saturday my wife had gone to an Outpouring meeting at the Auburndale church. Todd gave a word of knowledge that there was a woman who needed a heart transplant. My wife said she knew that he was talking about her. But she didn’t go up to the platform, because another woman who physically needed a heart transplant had gone up to receive that word of knowledge. My wife was being sensitive. Up until that point it had been a healing outpouring—the physical aspects, not emotional. But, get this. She physically saw the hand of God reach into her heart, take out her old heart, and put a new one. I’m going to give you a new heart for your husband. In one week’s time, God had healed me, healed her, and completely restored our marriage and our family. I had to repay God in some way. On my off days, I started carrying a Bible. I was going back and forth to the meetings—three hours away. Just prior to my healing at Tiger Stadium, I had a job. You can imagine all the pressure. I had to take some personal time off. I did not lie and say I was sick. When I returned to work on my scheduled day, I was told that I was being put on suspension. Less than a week later, I was terminated. I wasn’t mad. And I really wasn’t confused. At some point along the way, God had made my wife and me be at peace with everything that was going to happen. I didn’t know what that meant. Even now, I still don’t know what all that means.

Testimoney of Eduardo Juarez

My Lakeland Outpouring Testimony, it's long

Today at 2:54am

Healing from a Suicidal Spirit

If you watch on television or the internet, or if you come to the meetings, you may see a big, handsome man sitting off to the left side of the platform. He keeps watch to be sure that nobody is harmed. His name is Eduardo Juarez. His miracles, and how he came to be sitting on that stage, will stagger your mind.

I live about three hours from Lakeland, so getting to the Outpouring is kind of an ordeal. I came to the first meeting because my second youngest daughter is hearing-impaired. I brought her, along with my oldest daughter, simply with the intention for her to receive a physical healing. I had no idea what the Outpouring had in store for me.

About 45 days prior to that meeting, my wife had asked me for a divorce. I was a great provider and protector, but I was a horrible husband. I had abused her emotionally. Prior to and during our marriage I had multiple affairs—not only sexual infidelity, but emotional relationships, what I thought of as “soul” ties. I would be home for several months, then I’d move out and live with another woman. I was still providing income for my wife and children, but I was also involved in drugs, heavy drinking, and several motorcycle clubs. I was never abusive to my wife physically, but you can imagine all the emotional scars. As my children got older, they got to see me going in and out of the home. Scar on top of scar on top of scar.

In 2002, while I was living with yet another woman, I heard the very still Voice of God, and I came to Him. That very night, God began to close the door on that unfaithful relationship. I knew in the natural it was time for me to go home. But God didn’t want me to go home the same way I had in the past. So I gave my life to God. And I went home that night. Astonishingly, my wife received me and forgave me.

Some time later, as I was cleaning up my motorcycle, she told me that she and the girls were going to church. I said, “Wait for me. I want to go, too.” In that moment, a holy hush came into the house.

My daughters had been saved at Vacation Bible School two years prior to that, and they had been praying for their Mom to be saved. A year or so later, my wife gave her life to the Lord. My two children and my wife—plus a core group of five other women—had been intercessing for me to come back to God.

I had grown up in the church. A wonderful black pastor and his wife adopted my mother and her five children, and took us under their wing. As time went on our bond grew with the pastor and his wife—and it also grew with the body of his church.

At some point, my family and I assumed responsibility as caretakers of the church. I began to cut the lawn, clean the windows and front door. I shoveled snow in the winter. On Saturday afternoons we vacuumed and mopped the floors, got on our knees and scrubbed the toilets, made things spic and span for church on Sunday.

I was my Dad’s personal aide in the church—I’d carry his Bible and did whatever he needed. I got to see the inner workings of the church and hear great men of God. God allowed me, at such a young age, to become a servant of the church. In my experiences now I am beginning to see that even back then I had become a servant of the tabernacle.

I wouldn’t be here today had it not been for my mother raising me in the church. Raise up your child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it. When he is old… That doesn’t say anything about what might happen in the interim.

I chose to walk away.

Now, I must tell you something very painful. I was sexually abused as a young boy. I was physically and emotionally abused, inside the church and out. I hurry to say that it was NOT that wonderful pastor. And he did not know what was happening.

But in my child’s mind, I could not figure out why he didn’t know, and stop it. And I could not understand why God didn’t know, and stop it. How could you allow me to be hurt, if I was growing up in the church? Why would you allow me to be hurt? My spirit was crying out, raging, why doesn’t any one know that this is happening to me? During these times of abuse, I would literally cry out to God, why are You letting this happen to me? It planted seeds of rebellion in me. And I walked away from the church.

My mother never lost faith in me. She told me before I left for the Marine Corps that I would never make a good sinner, because I knew God. But do you know what I heard? I heard that I wouldn’t be any good. Period.

So when I left for the Marine Corps, I started living a life of excess. If a buddy was drinking one can of beer, I’d try to drink a case. If he was drinking a shot of whiskey, I’d try to drink the bottle. If you were doing one line of cocaine, I would do triple. And I said to myself, “No one will ever abuse me again. If I am going to be abused again, it will be because I choose to abuse myself.”

Every person at some time in their life is a victim. At some point you become the abuser. The way you manifest the abuse may not be the way you were abused, but nonetheless you become an abuser.

What I saw in women was what I saw in myself—my weakness as a young boy, being unable to protect myself. And I didn’t like it. I would get mad. So I would emotionally abuse women. I would captivate them just to see how many I could get. I was remembering how weak I was as a young boy. Hurting me because of my weakness… So I became a controller and manipulator of women. I was a liar, a cheater, abuser, victim, adulterer. It followed me even after I met my wife. I began to have affairs on top of affairs.

But the whole time I was one of those people the evangelists talk about who watch Christian television late at night. I knew God. I wanted God. But I was mad at God. But, in 2002, on that blessed night when I gave my life to God, I prayed, “In the world I live my life in excess. I want to serve You in excess. So this is my simple prayer to you, God: I come to You and I will serve You. But don’t make me one of those Christians who sit in the back pew, because if that is what You are going to do, I’d rather die.” My repentance prayer was: For God I live; for God I die….

I was giving God authority to bring all my ugliness and put it in front of my face. So from 2002 until three months ago, I had been trying to walk with God. But as many successes as I had in God, I had that many failures in God. In my public life I was success. But in my private life, I was a fiasco—a hypocrite.

I’ve worked in homeless ministries, counseled young boys in trouble and men in prison. My wife and I have even helped counsel troubled marriages, if you can believe that. When I came to God that night in 2002 when I went to church with my wife, the miraculous thing God did was to let me begin to understand how much He loves me. It’s been a work in progress even to this moment. But I’m starting to understand God’s grace. Grace! Even in my failures and in my flesh, He still loves me! That is the reason, even more so now, that I passionately love God. I desperately want every man to know that it is okay for God to love you. To allow God to flood you with His love. And to know His Grace.

After hearing that my wife wanted a divorce, I was wrecked emotionally. I began to fall into old mindsets of my former life. I was so stunned by the fact that she wanted a divorce that I went looking for any feeling at all because I was simply numb.

Numb. From the time my wife asked me for a divorce to the night in Tiger Stadium, I literally worked six days a week, sometimes for 14 hours. One day I worked 20 hours. I was so busy, all I had strength to do was drive home and pass out. Numb. We weren’t sleeping in the same bed; I had moved into the garage. We were already preparing separate bank accounts. Preparing divorce papers. Looking for a place for me to move into. She wanted me out.

By profession I am a surgical scrub tech. I have even gone to Africa and Honduras on surgical mission trips. So, in my medical knowledge I know that with healing in the natural, often there are underlying issues with emotional problems.

That’s what kept drawing me to the healing Outpouring. I knew there was something more for me than healing in the natural sense. What I was experiencing was that my heart was broken. This is where interaction with the Outpouring began. “So we’ll try this one more time, God. We’ll do this dance one more time. I’ll give You my heart, but don’t hurt me again.”

What I was referring to was how my heart was hurt physically and emotionally when I was a young boy. When I came to God in 2002, I repented and I thoroughly changed my life. I thought that not only had my life and heart been restored, I sincerely believed that God had restored my wife’s heart, as well. I did not realize that she had to receive God’s healing for herself. Because of my countless years of abuse, she never let God get into her heart. So when we began to have marital problems and my old stuff came back on me, she began to suffer the old hurts that she felt before I came to God. Not wanting those hurts again, she said, “I want a divorce.”

From the outside, our marriage looked like a success. Walking in the Word together, doing this and that together, we were a public success. People could point us out and say, “See? God can restore a husband to his wife.” What they didn’t know is that some people may be a public success, but in their private lives are failures. And that’s what my wife and I were.

So I told God, “You hurt me. You let me get hurt again. How could you heal my heart and not heal my wife’s heart?” I didn’t realize that my wife had to willingly let God heal her heart.

I decided to commit suicide. I had a gun. I kept it loaded. And I kept it on me. I told God: when I am by myself, I am going to do it. I didn’t want to hurt my wife or kids or anybody else. I just wanted to do what I couldn’t do as a child. I wanted to stop the pain.

It was the first night at Tiger Stadium and it was a Saturday night. And my wife and daughters had decided to come, too. Todd began to give Words of Knowledge. “Someone here is being tormented.” I can’t be for sure what he said exactly, but what I heard was: somebody here is being tormented by a suicidal spirit. And that was me.

He kept saying, “Somebody here, somebody here…” And I remember saying, “Don’t mess with me right now, God.” But Todd just kept on and on. It was like having an argument with God. Stop it. I’m not giving You another chance.

I had the gun on me that night. I had all intentions to commit suicide, off by myself someplace. But God kept on and on, and wouldn’t let me go.

So I said to myself, “If you’re going to do it, better do it now.” So I told God, “Okay, I surrender.”

Have you ever seen the statue of the man holding the world on his shoulders? That’s what I felt like. I was carrying everybody’s world that I had taken responsibility for. When I said, “I surrender,” that weight lifted off! I physically felt it. No longer hunched over, burdened down. I just felt light. God took off the weight of the world that I had put on myself! God had been there all the time and I hadn’t realized it!

I wanted to tell Todd that it was me he was talking about. But my wife and kids were there. How could I shame them? But I found an intern, and I told him. “Listen, that guy Todd was talking about? That’s me.”

He did the Christian thing. “Are you okay? Do you want me to pray for you?”

“No, you don’t understand. That’s ME! That’s ME!” I hadn’t captured his attention like I felt like I needed to. I said, “Look in the bag.” When he saw the gun he knew it was true.

I thank God for that young man, because I fed off his courage. I told him, “Listen, just do me a favor. I’m not going up there. I don’t want to freak people out. I don’t want to get taken down as a nut. I’m going to take the gun now and go put it in my car.” I asked, “Just tell Todd that you met the gentleman he was talking about.”

I thought that would be the end of it. Well, at some point that young man told Todd, and Todd told him to find me. He must have thought, “Impossible. How am I gonna find that guy in all these people?”

After the meeting, my wife and kids went home. But I went back to Tiger Stadium the next night. And would you believe it, God let that young man locate me!

He was so excited. “I told Todd about you, and he is excited! He’s been thinking about you all day, and he wants to meet you.” Cool, I thought. I’m going to get a meet-and-greet and some personal prayer from Todd. So I told the young man where I was seated.

Twenty minutes later he came back. “Todd wants to talk to you. They’re already out on the stage.” I thought Todd would just walk down the steps in the back, bless me and pray over me, and that would be it.

He walked me down to the field. I remember the young man having to tell all the interns, “He’s with me. He’s okay.” At the time, I weighed 265, long hair, tank top. Big tattoos. So I can understand his saying, “He’s okay, he’s with me.”

I’m following behind like a puppy. I’m going to meet a great man of God… He walked me behind the stage near the Fresh Fire associates. They’re staring, obviously wondering what’s up. I don’t look like a very wholesome Christian.

I have always longed to be truly loved and accepted by the Body of God. But I never really have felt that. I always stood out. The pastor and wife who adopted us were a black family. We went to an all black church. Even the people of my own race—Mexican-American—didn’t accept me because I was the black pastor’s son, living in the black community.

So, while I was waiting, Evangelist Jim Drown came over and told me about his life—so similar to my own. The fact that he had discernment that I wasn’t what I looked like meant everything to me. When he told the other associates that I was okay, it could have stopped there and been okay. Someone valued me enough to defend me. To some it may seem a little thing—that someone saw value in me—but to me, it was everything.

The next person who came down was Kira , full of life, sharing everything with me. She said, “I just want to get some facts.” I still did not have a clue. Then she says, “You’re going to be the first person to speak to him. So when you get up there…”

What! Get up where? Up on the platform? Huh-uh. No. Nope. Are you out of your mind? I don’t want my wife and kids and family to know what I had been planning to do. Kira calmly said, “Eduardo, do you realize how powerful this testimony is? How many people are going to hear you? In 214 countries?”

She was actually giving me reasons not to do it.

Then, I heard Kira tell me this. Christians don’t believe that other Christians battle with suicide. They think they are the only one. No Christian would admit thoughts of suicide.

I said OK. Then I thought, “Oh, God, I really didn’t say that, did I?”

We went up on stage. I felt like every eyeball in the stadium was on me. They were going to call the cops on me. Put me in the hospital…

As I was waiting to be ministered to, Todd was talking to the crowd. Have you ever been too close to a firecracker when it went off? I couldn’t hear what Todd was saying. When they talk about the weightiness and Glory of God being in and around the stage and altar area, it is real. I was in shock. I was in the Glory of God.

I heard Todd say, “Kira, who do you have here?” She began to tell my testimony. Todd was trying to coax me into telling my story. It wasn’t working. I simply could not talk.

I don’t remember anything after that until I was at the bottom of the stage. People were coming up and blessing me and saying, “We honor you for giving your testimony.” As I walked away, I suddenly realized I hadn’t shared my testimony with my wife. Was she watching on God-TV? Over 200 countries—oh, God. I had to call my wife, right now, and explain.

I found a quiet corner and called my wife. “Uh, honey, you know that thing we have where you’ve got to tell each other before it comes out?” Yes. “Um, well….” And she said, “What did you do now?”

Stop. Stop. Stop. I must tell you something else. This is God, being God! The prior Saturday my wife had gone to an Outpouring meeting at the Auburndale church. Todd gave a word of knowledge that there was a woman who needed a heart transplant. My wife said she knew that he was talking about her. But she didn’t go up to the platform, because another woman who physically needed a heart transplant had gone up to receive that word of knowledge.

My wife was being sensitive. Up until that point it had been a healing outpouring—the physical aspects, not emotional. But, get this. She physically saw the hand of God reach into her heart, take out her old heart, and put a new one. I’m going to give you a new heart for your husband.

In one week’s time, God had healed me, healed her, and completely restored our marriage and our family.

I had to repay God in some way. On my off days, I started carrying a Bible. I was going back and forth to the meetings—three hours away. Just prior to my healing at Tiger Stadium, I had a job. You can imagine all the pressure. I had to take some personal time off. I did not lie and say I was sick. When I returned to work on my scheduled day, I was told that I was being put on suspension. Less than a week later, I was terminated.

I wasn’t mad. And I really wasn’t confused. At some point along the way, God had made my wife and me be at peace with everything that was going to happen. I didn’t know what that meant. Even now, I still don’t know what all that means.